How can I help my wife handle sibling rivalry at bedtime? I like to consider myself a very involved Dad, with very strong relationships with both of our boys (4 and 2 yrs old). But when it comes to bedtime, they both want Mommy. Due to the age difference their bedtime routines are so different that we try to take turns. But they both get so upset when it's not their turn with my wife. Our 2 year old throws unbelievable tantrums, and so although we know it's not right, more often than not my wife goes with him and our 4 year old deals with it. Of course she comes into his room when she's done, but we know he is sad when she appears to "pick" his brother. Last night he was sobbing with sadness. It was heartbreaking. We don't want him to feel like this! And we want to help our 2 year old go to bed more independently! Help!

Test post

We have four kids so we had to train them that a fit gets them consequences, nothing else. We also used role playing for much of it. When our almost 2 year old wouldn't go to class without a fit, we pretended to drop her off (sat her at the table) in one room of the house, then came back later and picked her up. After she realized it's more fun to stay in class than to deal with the consequences, she was fine. Every child is different and different consequences work better with each so learning what will really have an impact takes time if you're not used to implementing consequences already. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Our 3 yr. old twins use to favor me too. We alternated. At times my husband would read, and do bedtime routine, and I would leave the room (which I don't have to do now). The kids got used to dad as only option, so they liked having him, but realized they had to wait more. So now they accept half/half. I read to one and he to another, we switched kids for next bedtime activity, and went back and forth to each room to do goodnights. If one whines/cries to be first (or have a certain parent), they go straight to bed. They quickly learned not to behave that way again.

I have an almost 9 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. When it is bed time, all 4 of us (mom, dad, and kids) pile into my daughter's bed to talk about "happy dreams" (good things that happened during the day they can dream about). After we all tell ours, we give goodnight kisses all around and leave our daughter in her room. We then go to son's room and do an abbreviated "happy dream" sequence with hugs and kisses. Unless Daddy is working late, he and I do night time routine with both kids together. That way, the kids don't feel like we favor one over the other.

Our 3 kids are way past this age now. But, when they were little, we did storytime together. They each got to pick one book and then we checked the calendar to see which one got to read their book last (yes, last. They all wanted their book to be the last one read!) and which parent read and which parent helped to snuggle and do voices. By writing it down, no one got their feelings hurt and mom didn't have to try and remember! Then, we both took the youngest to bed and did hugs and kisses. Meanwhile, the other two got extra reading time in their own rooms. Once done with the youngest, we moved to the next oldest child for hugs and kisses. Then onto the oldest for hugs and kisses. That way, the older ones felt special because they got to stay up later and the youngest got to be first. Try it, it worked for us.

We have 5 & 2 yr old boys & the 2 yr old always wants me (mom). The 5 yr old is good with either of us but some nights he really wants me too. We have an alternating plan. The 2 yr old sometimes throws a fit but we stay firm. I tell him "It's my turn tomorrow night. Tonight is Daddy's turnhe loves to put you to bed!" I stay totally up beat & positive "Yeah! Daddy gets to put you to bed tonight!" I wave/blow kisses as they go up stairs. They bathe together, so we alternate dressing the boys too. If it's Daddy's night to take the 2 yr old upstairs, I get him dressed & brush his teeth, that way he gets some mommy time too. It's tough, but pick a routine & solution that works for you & is fair to both boys. 2 is a hard age with lots to learn, good to start teaching those things now. Your older son will benefit from seeing how you handle them both fairly and appreciate seeing you stand up for him sometimes. Good Luck!