Does Your Child Have a Hitting Problem?

	Dr. Patti Zomber, Contributing Editor, is a licensed psychologist for children and families. As a mother of three, she shares a unique understanding of the challenges and experiences families face every day. Ask Dr. Patti a question and it could be featured in upcoming months.* Unfortunately, due to a high volume of emails, Dr. Patti cannot answer all of the questions she receives.

	Q. My 22-month-old daughter likes to hit other kids. What can I do? -Jamie B.  Read Answer Q. Our family recently moved, and my soon-to-be 4-year-old just started preschool. He has made several friends in the neighborhood already. He does great when he's playing one-on-one or with two other kids, but when there is a larger group, he tends to stay off to the side and watch. Sometimes, he sadly walks away from the kids because he thinks they won't want to play with him. I have reassured him and told him I would go over to the other kids with him. Is there something else I can do? -Michele F.  Read Answer Q. Our 5-year-old granddaughter used to love coming to visit us overnight. However she has recently developed an anxiety to leaving New Hampshire and coming down to stay at our house in Massachusetts. She is fine when her father comes with her. I hate to bring her to our house or have her father drop her off if she is upset and cries to go home. By contrast her 3-1/2-year-old brother loves being here and doesn't want to go home! How can we help so that we can have her sleep over again? -Kathi T.  Read Answer Q. My five-year-old daughter just started kindergarten this year. For the past 2 years, she went to three- and four-year-old pre-K and never got in trouble. Now she gets in trouble every day. I have tried taking her TV away. What can we do to get her to not disrupt her class? -Freda H.  Read Answer

Q. My 22-month-old daughter likes to hit other kids. What can I do?
-Jamie B.

A. It is important to understand why your daughter is hitting other kids. Is she getting hit by a sibling or other children at day care? Is hitting occurring in your home? Is she experiencing distress due to family conflict or stress? Children do not "like to hit" for no reason, so you will want to identify and address the causes of her behavior.

From a behavioral perspective, all caretakers in her life must consistently remove her immediately from the interpersonal situation while telling her firmly not to hit.  She should receive a "time-out" appropriate for her age and then be encouraged to use her words to express her feelings. If your daughter is unable to play appropriately, then she might not be ready for that particular social situation. She is best taught how to share, take turns and express her needs in supervised play with one other child, an experience you can provide at home. Children must be taught early that friendship is a privilege to be earned by treating others respectfully.

Q. Our family recently moved, and my soon-to-be 4-year-old just started preschool. He has made several friends in the neighborhood already. He does great when he's playing one-on-one or with two other kids, but when there is a larger group, he tends to stay off to the side and watch. Sometimes, he sadly walks away from the kids because he thinks they won't want to play with him. I have reassured him and told him I would go over to the other kids with him. Is there something else I can do?
-Michele F.

A. Your 3-year-old sounds socially advanced for his age if he is already able to play with neighborhood friends. He is not, however, ready for a larger neighborhood group consisting of children of varied ages who may not want to include a 3-year-old in their activities. I suggest you keep him within his developmental comfort zone socially by facilitating small group experiences with children of his own age. Then, he is sure to be able to build his social skills upon positive experiences.

Q. Our 5-year-old granddaughter used to love coming to visit us overnight. However she has recently developed an anxiety to leaving New Hampshire and coming down to stay at our house in Massachusetts. She is fine when her father comes with her. I hate to bring her to our house or have her father drop her off if she is upset and cries to go home. By contrast her 3-1/2 year old brother loves being here and doesn't want to go home! How can we help so that we can have her sleep over again?
-Kathi T.

A. It is not unusual for children to develop separation anxiety at certain ages, or at least unwillingness to sleep away from home. Her parents should explore the reasons for her feelings. She may want more time with one or both of her parents, time away from her brother at her home or may have some worries that she should be encouraged to share. Don't force the issue or take it personally, but try different visiting arrangements until you find one that works.

Q. My five-year-old daughter just started kindergarten this year. For the past 2 years, she went to three- and four-year-old pre-K and never got in trouble. Now she gets in trouble every day. I have tried taking her TV away. What can we do to get her to not disrupt her class?
-Freda H.

A. Your daughter is having some adjustment issues to kindergarten that you might want to explore with her teacher. She may be having difficulty with the demands of acquiring beginner academic skills, behavioral difficulties adapting to a large group wherein she must practice impulse control or social adjustment issues that cause her to engage in negative attention-getting behavior with peers.

I suggest you first volunteer some time in the classroom so that you can observe the class dynamics before speaking to the teacher about why these difficulties are occurring. Then you both can generate problem-solving options, such as moving her seat closer to the teacher and away from other students, or establishing a behavior chart with one or two target behaviors for which she can earn social rewards.

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