How to Talk to Your Kids About Being Laid Off

	Dr. Patti Zomber, Contributing Editor, is a licensed psychologist for children and families. As a mother of three, she shares a unique understanding of the challenges and experiences families face every day. Ask Dr. Patti a question and it could be featured in upcoming months.* Unfortunately, due to a high volume of emails, Dr. Patti cannot answer all of the questions she receives.

	Q. My husband was laid off today. What do we say to our children ages 10, 9 and 7? -Dani B.  Read Answer Q. My 5-year-old daughter has recently begun to cut, tear and chew holes in her clothing. We have given her time-outs, explained that we cannot purchase new clothing every week and even had her give us her allowance and gift money to pay for clothing. Nothing seems to work! We have not had any major life changes, and I cannot figure out what is motivating my child to do this or how to help her stop it? -Laura Y.  Read Answer Q. My 2-year-old daughter has always talked very well, but about a week ago she started stuttering. Now she stutters a lot and is having a hard time saying anything without stuttering. I don't think she picked it up from anyone else. So why did she start this up so suddenly? -Jessica K.  Read Answer Q. My nephew is a great child. He is 6 years old and is very smart. The problem is he will not eat at school. Constant prodding seems to make it worse.  Also, it is hard to get his attention when teaching him, whether it’s words, numbers or even drawing. It can only be done one-on-one in a quiet room, which makes it very hard in school. He has fallen way behind in learning, and he can do it and has proven so.  What can I do? -Patti T.  Read Answer

Q. My husband was laid off today. What do we say to our children ages 10, 9 and 7?
-Dani B.

A. I am sorry to hear that your husband has been laid off. It is best to answer your children’s questions in a simple, honest manner, using the content of their questions as your guide to what they need to know. Be careful not to share information they cannot handle, such as your fears.

Most children know something about the current economic crisis. You can explain that his company, like many, has had to cut back on their expenses, including what they would like to pay their dad. They need to know two things: that this is temporary and that they can help by supporting the cost-saving measures you may have to take. Offer comfort for their fears and the hope that new opportunities may arise as a result of this. Try not to share any big changes, such as a move, until they are imminent. Good luck!

Q. My 5-year-old daughter has recently begun to cut, tear and chew holes in her clothing. We have given her time-outs, explained that we cannot purchase new clothing every week and even had her give us her allowance and gift money to pay for clothing. Nothing seems to work! We have not had any major life changes, and I cannot figure out what is motivating my child to do this or how to help her stop it?
-Laura Y.

A. I have never encountered this symptom in my work and would be curious to know why she says she is doing it. Behavior management techniques are not likely to work on such a compulsion. I urge you to obtain a thorough psychological evaluation.

Q. My 2-year-old daughter has always talked very well, but about a week ago she started stuttering. Now she stutters a lot and is having a hard time saying anything without stuttering. I don't think she picked it up from anyone else. So why did she start this up so suddenly?
-Jessica K.

A. Be careful not to place pressure on your daughter or be critical of her speech.  These responses will worsen the problem. Rather, get a speech and language evaluation as soon as possible. Because there are critical periods for language development, you want to discover the cause of the glitch immediately and have it remedied professionally. Only a licensed speech and language therapist can do this. I disagree with pediatricians who say children will outgrow a stutter on their own. It is important to be very proactive about your child’s speech and language development.

Q. My nephew is a great child. He is 6 years old and is very smart. The problem is he will not eat at school. Constant prodding seems to make it worse. Also, it is hard to get his attention when teaching him, whether it’s words, numbers or even drawing. It can only be done one-on-one in a quiet room, which makes it very hard in school. He has fallen way behind in learning, and he can do it and has proven so. What can I do?
-Patti T.

A. Any child who has fallen behind in school needs a full psycho-educational evaluation by a psychologist. There could be many reasons for this problem and identifying those reasons is crucial to determining the solution. I would guess that his not eating is part of a larger adjustment issue that can best be addressed after having had an evaluation.

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